Things my mother says.

Well hello again WordPress, I am sorry that I neglected you but I had nothing to say.

Until now.

You know that moment when you discover that you are mistaken about something and you say “But I thought….” well my mother has a couple of responses for you.

You know what Thought thought? He thought he had a motorbike, but he only had the horn.

or

You know what Thought thought? He thought his arse was sticking out of bed so he got up to take a look.

Is there any hope for me being normal when I grew up hearing this sort of thing?

😉

Shove off!

I was just planning today’s post when my neighbour annoyed me, earlier in the year, she requested 3 bags (from The Beau Bag Boutique Ltd) she did not pay up front so I did not create the bags. All summer she has been ignoring her phone if I or my daughter call her, she has not opened her door if we visited (spyhole). Quite simply she is a pain in the ass and she can shove off.

I will write the planned post tomorrow.

Mantha.

Flowery writing – part 2

As promised, I am here to explain why these phrases caused such mirth…

• “She stirred her tea with a sigh.” – Really? I find a spoon is more effective.

Surely it would have been better to write: “She sighed as she stirred her tea.” or “She stirred her tea as she sighed.”

• “She threw her eyes at the ceiling.” – EEK! Taking your eyes out and throwing them at the ceiling is just ICKY!!!

Could she not have just ‘looked’ at the ceiling?

• “His eyes ran round the room.” – Another EEK! his eyes have legs?

Again, could he not just ‘look’ or ‘glance’ round the room?

• “His eyes ran up and down her.” – See above!
• “Her eyes undressed him.” – Now it appears that the eyes also have hands!

Surely she could ‘imagine him undressed’ or something less icky

• “His eyes devoured her.” – EEEEEEK! His eyes have teeth!

I’m saying nothing more, I think you get the picture!

Mantha 😉

 

Flowery writing faux-pas.

Whilst reading a book it is very easy to be swept along by the story and never see the amusingly flowery writing that has been employed, in any way other than how the writer intended; however…

There have been times when a sentence or phrase has stopped me in my tracks and caused me an inordinate amount of mirth.

Below are a few that made such an impression that I have never forgotten them:

• “She stirred her tea with a sigh.”
• “She threw her eyes at the ceiling.”
• “His eyes ran round the room.”
• “His eyes ran up and down her.”
• “Her eyes undressed him.”
• His eyes devoured her.”

If this post and the above don’t make any sense to you, leave a comment and I will explain tomorrow. 😉

Mantha.

Update on nothing.

Yes, I have decided that I’m not boring you enough so I thought I would update you with what is happening in my little life.
My little Company is not going great, I am currently looking into finding retail premises of my own as there has been nothing from my recent marketing visits.
My mother’s neighbour appears to be utterly mad in a ‘I hate you and wish to destroy you and your happy smiling faces’ type of way. – we tried to make her welcome but she now claims that we will hit her if she speaks to us!
My daughter’s netbook died yet again, so we have given up on Asus for good and she now has a lovely new Lenovo laptop. (Thanks mum)
The sun has shone a lot recently which means it must have been summer but I think it might be coming to an end now.
My great-grandfather is still walking alongside us in spirit form periodically, how do I know? He puts that favourite song of his into my head!
Are you bored yet?
Mantha 🙂

Slap in the face.

Today I launched a new design run for my company The Beau Bag Boutique Ltd, I was feeling really great and was hopping between my personal and my business Twitter accounts – generally retweeting myself. I noticed that my follower number had dropped on my personal account and used my favourite app to find out who had gone.
There were 12 people/bots that had unfollowed me but one of them really surprised me as we had only spoken a couple of days before and appeared to be on good terms, what surprised me even more was that I apparently was not following her! Thinking to rectify this (as I enjoyed reading her tweets) I immediately went to her Twitter profile and clicked the follow button… it didn’t take so I tried again… this time I noticed the discreet pop up message telling me I had been blocked from following that account at the request of the user.
W.T.F!?!?!?!
Needless to say, I am a little hurt by this.
Why did she not say if she had a problem with me?
Why block me at all? Surely just unfollowing me would have been enough.
I couldn’t sleep because it was racing through my head so I have come here to tell you all about the slap in the face that I Received today.

Thank you for listening.

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Mich's Book Reviews

Well, it’s time for me to promote myself for a bit.

Although I have published my 2 novellas with Renaissance Romance Publishing, I decided to give self publishing a go, get a look at both sides of this extremely competitive market. Also, what I am publishing is far too short for a publishing house to consider.

Honour is an anthology of 5 stories all with a military theme. I’m aiming to publish on November 1st as it is the close to Remembrance Sunday here in the UK as I could get.

I am doing a cover reveal on 18th October, and would love for fellow bloggers and authors to help me out. Please sign up using this form as it will help me keep track of who and where I need to send info.

A blog tour will be coming soon also!

If you have any questions, comment or drop…

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Oh Sod It.

There are some days that repeatedly slap you down and the only way to deal with them is to hibernate. Today was one of those days.

I should have known, but sadly I, the stupid old bat didn’t open my eyes today and by the time I did it looked like multiple people had been offended by something I’d said, even though everything I wrote or said was meant in a supportive manner.

Therefore I am hibernating.

See you in the Summer.

Writing

Well anyone who knows me will be aware that I have been struggling with University assignments recently and after fighting with one for 9 hours I gave up and watched a film instead. The film in question was ‘The Holiday’ starring Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jude Law and Jack Black. Now it is a soppy chick flick but it has some lovely moments, my favourite being near the end when Amanda (Diaz) runs back to the cottage and finds Graham (Law) crying because she left… Every time I watch it, I think to myself, “Why can’t I find a man who cries when I leave?”

ANYWAY!!!!!

I trotted off to bed with my laptop and my study books, found the elusive method I had been fighting with for so long and saved the document for daylight reviewing.

Obviously I was now wide awake at silly o’clock in the morning so I opened a new word doc and started writing, no plan, no real idea where it was heading except it was a girl who had watched the same film and asked herself the same question. There are some of you reading this that know when it comes to writing, I usually have a great opening line/paragraph and then I run out of steam, well on this occasion I wrote nearly 500 words and can see a way forward with it too, so I guess its one of those ‘WATCH THIS SPACE’ moments.

Now to get that assignment sorted… 😦

Mantha.

The hedgehog

My friend Katie shared a picture on Facebook yesterday that reminded me of this story, so you can blame her! 😉

We must start this story by explaining that the lady involved was elderly with poor eyesight.

It was a bitter winter, with thick snow on the ground, and my neighbour saw from her window a cold and wet hedgehog just beside the wall in the shallower snow. “How odd!” She thought, “That hedgehog must be very hungry to be out and about at this time of year.” So being a nature lover she went and got some cat food and took it out to the hedgehog. The following day she looked out and it was there again, so she put more food out. This went on for almost a week and she was really very pleased with herself.

Then the thaw came and this lovely lady saw her ‘hedgehog’ properly.

Bless her heart, this is what she had been feeding… an old-fashioned toilet brush partially buried under the snow.

She did feel silly, we think a local fox or cat had actually benefited from her mistake and been eating the food.

Mantha. 🙂